i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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