She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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