It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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