ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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