Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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