if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize