We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
