Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
