Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
