I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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