I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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