Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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