Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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