it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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