using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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