I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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