I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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