Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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