Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
