He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
