My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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