...so i touched it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
