Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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