I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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