This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
