she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
