I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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