i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize