um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
