I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
