I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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