he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Shame - the story of my life.
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