I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
