Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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