You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize