If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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