She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
be right there i have to get my cape
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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