apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
