I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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