if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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