god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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