i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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