you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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