is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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