Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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