Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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