Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
