I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
