hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
