um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
