We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
