Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
