Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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