I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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