Duck Duck Cougar?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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