i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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