there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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