If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
