We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize