you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
