the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
