Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
