my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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