Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
