the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize