Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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