if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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