I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
