Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
