Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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