It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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