am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
